Of Steel and Blood
by Tazmy
Summary: John helps Rodney deal with events from The Eye/The Storm.


_a/n: Written for angw because it was the only thing I could think of to give her to say thank you because I'm really bad at getting to the post office and had nothing else to offer. It is my return to fanfiction after many years._

_Thank you to Sholio for the quick spelling/grammar beta. _

* * *

After raging winds subsided, calm embraced the city. The loss of adrenaline left Sheppard exhausted. Elizabeth-not dead-stood beside him.

From his other side, McKay coddled his bandaged arm. Sheppard noted the sweat on McKay's brow and the unusual silence. He didn't complain about his injury nor the bruise forming near his eye. He smiled with a raised chin which only served to worry Sheppard more.

Elizabeth excused herself from the conversation. McKay moved to do the same but Sheppard reached out, stopping him. "You're supposed to take your jacket off first."

"What?"

Sheppard motioned toward the white bandage where a small pink stain started to show through despite McKay's lackluster efforts.

"Did you even try sanitizing it?"

McKay didn't answer immediately. He stared at the arm in confusion before hiding it behind his back. He grimaced at the motion then allowed the arm to hang freely."It's only a quick fix, Major. Just until Carson is feeling better. I'm not letting some random doctor practice their-"

"McKay."

"Major?" McKay shifted slightly, not meeting his teammate's eyes. The smile faded.

"It's going to get infected."

"Oh please, it's just a scratch."

"A scratch? It's bleeding through the bandage. This from the man who thinks a splinter is a medical emergency?"

McKay responded but only after hesitation. His gaze fell downward at his injury as though seeing the blood for the first time. He shifted slightly. "A scratch. Not even worth mentioning, really. I got carried away bandaging it. That's all."

"Remind me never to have you make up our cover stories."

"What? Why?" McKay was never slow on the uptake but the confusion was genuine. He wasn't thinking properly, Sheppard realized. Beads of sweat glistened down his cheek.

"Hey, I'll have you know my cover story is what saved all of us today," he added defensively.

"That and my taking out all of Kolya's soldiers."

"So it's a competition now? Who saved the city the most? You are such a child sometimes. You know that right?"

"Says the man refusing to see a doctor."

"It's a scratch. Can we please drop it already? You of all people have no business telling me when I need medical care or not. Do you realize how many heart attacks Carson has almost had just trying to get you near the infirmary?"

"C'mon, I'll walk with you."

A slight shiver coursed through McKay's body. "It's fine," he whispered.

"No, it's not." Sheppard examined McKay closely. He knew that haunted stare. As the storm raged outside, Sheppard had feared not only a dead Weir but whatever hell Kolya was putting his teammate through. He didn't need to be there to know McKay had been tortured. He wouldn't have revealed the plan otherwise. Scientists weren't soldiers and even soldiers broke.

* * *

A storm rose in Rodney's gut. Nausea surfaced threatening to overcome whatever senses hadn't already succumbed to the pain and exhaustion. From his left he could hear Sheppard's words and knew they made sense but for some reason he just couldn't _understand_ them. It was strange because Rodney McKay understood everything. _Everything. _

'_In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a very arrogant man who thinks all of his plans are going to work!_'

So many of the night's events continued to play in his mind. The freezing cold. The bluffs that saved their lives. The fear of not knowing where Sheppard was at any given moment. The gleam of steel as it tore through Rodney's skin. The crying out as he revealed all their plans to the lunatic bad guy of the week. The moment he stepped between Elizabeth and the gun with his bloodied hands raised outward for all to see.

_We won, _he reminded himself. _We won. We saved the city. We saved ourselves . _

Prying stares followed in their tracks but Rodney wondered if that was only his imagination. Personnel returning to the city knew little of the details of what Rodney had done-how he'd betrayed them.

_I saved them,_ he corrected himself. Of course he had. _I always save the day._ He might have been an arrogant man convinced his plans would always work but that was only because his plans always _did _work. Today was no exception.

Clouds cluttered his mind and he wondered if maybe he'd missed most of what Sheppard had said as he gently guided Rodney toward the infirmary with a firm hand on the shoulder of the uninjured arm. For his part, Rodney tried to quip back but he must have been doing an awful job because Sheppard kept glancing toward him with worry.

"Stop that."

"What?"

"Stop staring. You're acting like I'm going to pass out or something. It's a scratch."

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Going to pass out?"

"No!" Rodney's sudden shout reverberated through the halls. He froze. Now people really were staring.

Rodney pulled away from Sheppard's grasp. The infirmary would be full of people. Carson wouldn't even be there to help out and some random nobody would be left to look him over and see to his arm. They'd want to know why he wrapped the bandage over his clothes when he wasn't out in the field and he could get better medical attention. _I do know better.I just… _

He couldn't deal with that. Not now.

"Okay. Not the infirmary. Where then?" Sheppard asked. Rodney must have been thinking aloud again.

The pier terrified him. Too many memories he wasn't ready to face.

The control room was too busy.

"Food?" Sheppard suggested.

When was the last time he'd eaten anyway? It felt like months. Nausea intensified. Rodney leaned for a moment against the nearby wall desperate not to hurl.

"Not hungry?" he heard Sheppard say. "Okay, who are you and where did you stash the real McKay?" Sheppard continued talking but the words failed to process. It was all Rodney could do not to pass out. A moment later his mind cleared enough to note their surroundings had changed. Somehow they'd entered an empty conference room.

Rodney breathed deeply, embracing the silence. He closed his eyes only to see steel and blood. He could feel the long past winds. He smelled the rain. Water burrowed into his wound.

"I should have killed him," Sheppard muttered, his knuckles white from clenched fists.

"To be fair, you did shoot him."

"Well, if he's not dead then I should kill him."

"No," Rodney replied without hesitation. He wasn't sure why because killing Kolya probably wasn't such a bad idea. Kolya would have killed Elizabeth. Who knows what he would have done to Rodney. If Kolya was alive, he would be back. Rodney knew a man like that wouldn't give up. He'd come back and he'd have that blade again and…

"Breathe, Rodney. Geesh. What did he do to you?"

"I don't know." Rodney sank into a nearby seat, allowing his weary muscles to melt into the metal. His stomach eased at the movement as though it had just been his body begging for a break all along.

Another minute of silence passed. He saw Sheppard's penetrating gaze and tried to shy away. Another minute of silence and he couldn't hold it back anymore. The words escaped.

"I just…I saw the knife and I saw him and he knew I'd talk." He paused briefly, staring at the pink blotch on his bandage. "They had a knife. I felt it touch the skin—break the skin. I couldn't.."

He pushed the memory away, desperate to focus on something-anything-else. "I saved the city." He rose to his feet, circling the table with wild gesticulations. "I out-bluffed him even though I never win at poker and I'm betting he always does and I've been out in the freezing rain and I'm tired and everyone is staring at me as if they knew I betrayed them—"

"You didn't-"

"I betrayed them, Major." The words came out louder, sharper than he expected. "Call it whatever you want but if I'd never told him of the plan then he would have just left and most of this wouldn't have happened. Of course who knows what he would have taken with him. At least I saved Elizabeth when I stepped in front of the gun because-"

"You stepped in front of a gun?"

"Exactly! Let's focus on the positive here! Not my arm." A shiver coursed through his spine, nausea resurfacing. "And what did you expect anyway? I'm not you and I'm not Teyla or Ford and I can't just ignore pain and keep fighting. I-"

"Kolya wasn't going to stop until you told him everything," Sheppard interjected softly.

Images of steel glistened in Rodney's memories. He felt the men holding his arms as he desperately tried to wiggle free. He felt the searing pain as flesh gave way. He smelled the blood. The nightmares would haunt him for months. "I know," Rodney responded at last.

"It wasn't your fault."

"I know." Vivid memories threatened to drown out the present. Fierce winds pushed against him. Waves roared from the ocean below.

"All I expected was for you to come up with a plan and save our asses," Sheppard said. "Which, I might add, you did. So thank you."

Rodney clung to Sheppard's words as an anchor to the present. "You're welcome," he whispered. He willed his breath to slow down and his heart to stop pounding. An eternity could pass before he finished processing the night's events.

"So are you good now?"

Surprisingly Rodney found himself nodding. He _did_ feel strangely better. He couldn't say why because nothing much seemed to happen beyond his crazy ramblings.

"You don't blame me?" He needed to hear the words again. To know they were real.

Sheppard shifted uncomfortably, something dark in his gaze. Rodney couldn't help but wonder if Sheppard had his own demons to face from the night's events. "No," Sheppard said. "I blame Kolya. No one else but him."

"We saved the city," Rodney said.

"Yes. We did."

"We could have lost everything."

"We didn't."

"Maybe I should play poker more often?"

"Probably not. So are you good now?" Sheppard asked again, surveying Rodney with surprisingly less concern than a few moments before.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I mean other than you know hypoglycemia and not eating, my bleeding arm, and did I mention he hit me? That's definitely going to leave a bruise. I bet I have a concussion."

Sheppard smiled and Rodney couldn't help but smile back.

"Good," Sheppard said. "Now that we got that sorted, let's get a doc to look at you and see if we can't find some food. I'm starving."

"Oh! I wonder if they'll let us raid the chocolate supplies. We did just save the whole city after all."

"That we did, McKay. That we did."

Rodney felt Sheppard's hand fall back onto his shoulder. He allowed his teammate to guide him back into the bustling corridor.

McKay felt exhausted, cold, and sick. His sluggish mind felt as heavy as his weary arms. Yet all was okay. _I am okay._ He closed his eyes allowing the calm to embrace him. Maybe now he could finally rest.


End file.
